By Charity Mwengi
Being too nice goes hand in hand with people pleasing and there is huge difference between being too nice and being kind do not confuse the two.I will be talking about why one day you will decide to stop being too nice.
What are the signs that you are too nice.
Allowing others to be mean to you without standing up for yourself(too nice)
Have you had these situations whereby somebody is mean to you and you just let it slide? But when you are alone you can’t help but think i should have said something.Now what could be the reason as to why you never said something?could it be that person means alot to you and you are scared, if you stood up to them that would ruin your relationship?or is it how you were socialized? (for example young girl children are socialized from a young age that being defensive is not okay they should turn the other cheek while boys are the ones that should get aggressive and defensive).
Being “the helper” or “fixer(too nice)
Helping and trying to fix everyone who says they have a problem, eventhough they have not asked for your help.
You take the helping and fixing so serious that you rationalize it with religion by incorporating what the bible says about helping.I once had a conversation with a person regarding how someone was using them and when i pointed out to them that they were being too nice, they said God would reward them so there is no problem if they continue getting used.
You attract users
Listen, our current world is full of people who want you in their life because of what you can do for them.
If you find yourself with friends who are always calling or texting asking for favours and that is what the friendship is always about that is a user, do not mistake helping for being used.
Pay attention to your intuition you will know the difference,the same applies to relationships its just you giving them what they ask for while you don’t get anything in return and when you complain they cover that up with one kind act that blinds you for eternity right?and why does it blind you? because you are too nice that you only want to see the good in people and not who they really are.
People tell you you are too nice
People notice things, how do you think the users handpick you from the crowd? It’s because they notice you are too nice. Be grateful if they tell you you are too nice, because that is saving you from alot.
Always agreeing with what people say
You have a different opinion from the rest but the moment you notice this you quickly hop onto their opinion because you don’t want to disappoint them.
No boundaries
Having no limits when it comes to helping people ,you take on full responsibility for them such that they don’t have to be responsible for themselves.
when they ask for help you go up and beyond to help them without setting limits and one secret you need to know is, when you show people you are always there or you can get anything and everything done they will always come back non-stop.
Just take a look around you, the people that tend to be nice how many “friends”do they have?how many occasions and fundraisers are they invited to?how many house calls do they get?when they are in need do all their” friends” show up for them?
Reasons why one day you will undo the niceness
One day you’ll need help
There is this famous saying, we only know our true friends when we have problems.Calls and texts go unanswered ,are those tears in your eyes? sorry.
That’s when you realize that all along you were just the one being used, this people had no intentions of being there for you .What is even worse they do not even count you in their list of friends ,they just keep you around for their own benefit. So you will make the choices and changes of no longer being too nice.
They will be making progress as you make none.
If you keep on helping without limits you tend to focus less on yourself and more on others so their life progresses as you watch yours pass you by, infact you won’t notice your life pass you by because you will be more focused on them.
Once the blinder falls off that’s when you notice their grass is green while yours is dry, because you have been watering their grass while you neglect yours.
Remember back in school that friend who would hide and read and when others are reading he/she would interrupt them by playing with them, when it’s exam time he/she would perform better than the rest.
They will dump you
What do we do to things that we do not need anymore?we throw them away. I want you to understand something a user sees you as a thing because if they saw you as a humanbeing they would not be using you and they would respect you.
If you are wondering how disrespect fits here, well the fact that they are using you is a form of disrespect.
Back to being dumped when you are too nice you do not want to leave a place no matter how bad you are treated, so they will dump you after finding your advanced replacement and the cycle continues.
Most users can’t survive without using people, see it like a tick that needs to attach itself to cattles inorder to survive.
Being dumped by them is a blessing in disguise something you will realize later on when you work on yourself.
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They will do you dirty
Oh yeah wait for it ,when you are too nice people always know no matter what they do to you ,you can’t do anything you are Madam/sir niceness so they will keep on kicking you around like they do to that ball when they go to play football.
One day they will do you dirty that it will turn you inside out force you to reinvent yourself and there will be no more madam/sir niceness.
You will meet people who were once too nice like you.
Meeting people who were once like you can be a huge life changer, and I always believe you cannot suffer forever they will always be guardian angels out here to save you but then it depends with, if you are willing to get helped.
Stop being the ground that people fall on when they fall off trees,have you even seen how that ground gets dry and hard when it keeps on getting stepped on?
Besides are you the only human being on this planet that can be there for people? I will repeat myself on this have boundaries i know some of you hate boundaries but believe me when i tell you this, you cannot live on this earth peacefully and well without boundaries.
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